Purpose of Rule of Christ Practice: To gracefully address and resolve concerns/conflicts that occur at Mount Bethel Church in a manner guided by scripture, calling for discernment of God’s will, personal responsibility, empathy, open communication and above all, love.
Minnesota United Methodist Conference encourages adoption of a policy to gracefully resolve conflicts & concerns. Training provided by Conference through our apportionments to MN UMC. June 2014 Rule of Christ Training, trainer Rev. John Mueller Nowell to our Staff/Pastor Parish Relations team, Administrative Board and members & friends of Mt Bethel Church , 19 attendees. Administrative Board Rule of Christ policy adoption 8/2014.
(niv) Matthew 18: 8 If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell. 15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.18 “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
If I have a concern or am in conflict about something at Mt Bethel UMC, my practice will be to follow these steps:
1) Step 1: Self-Reflection To Discern God’s Will (Matthew 18: 8-9) 8 If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.
a) I will pray/meditate, journal on:
i) What is my concern/conflict? Describe it- keeping description as simple as possible
ii) What is my position on this matter?
iii) What value/personal principle underlies my position?
iv) What is my perception of the other person’s position on this matter?
v) Is there history behind my concern> Is this history impacting my reaction?
vi) Can I let it go?
b) If I am able to let it go, the matter is resolved, IF NOT, I will…
i) Put myself in the other person’s shoes- what might they say I contributed to this matter?
ii) What does God want? What is God’s point of view?
iii) Proceed to Step 2…
2) Step 2: Talk With The Person 1 to 1 “Care-front” vs “confront” (Matthew 18:15) 15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.
a) Self-Preparation for this discussion:
i) Plan ahead and practice what I want to say
ii) Plan to meet in a neutral location
iii) Remember that we are ALL part of the body of Christ
b) The actual discussion:
i) Begin the meeting with prayer
ii) Goal of the meeting: discuss in effort to work together to find a solution that satisfies both of us
iii) Work hard to understand the other person’s point of view
iv) Share using “I” statements example: I feel … when… happens.
v) Listen carefully and ask questions to help clarify my understanding
vi) Determine together, if the matter is now resolved and whether each party is satisfied and able to move forward
vii) If a satisfactory resolution is not found, proceed to Step 3…
3) Step 3: Get Some Objective Help (Matthew 18:16) 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’
a) Set up and meet with the appropriate Ministry Area and the Pastor:
i) Prior to this meeting, I will provide a written statement describing the concern.
ii) I may bring one or two others, who share the concern, to participate in this meeting
iii) All invited to this meeting will be made aware of who will be attending the meeting and that it will be a closed meeting.
b) At the Actual Meeting:
i) Begin the meeting with prayer
ii) Goal of this meeting: discussion in effort to resolve the conflict so that all parties are satisfied
iii) Determine, in collaboration with those presenting the concern, if the matter is now resolved and/or if the individual involved are satisfied and are able to move forward
iv) Agree upon any parts of the discussion that need to remain confidential
v) Agree upon what may need to be shared with the entire congregation
vi) Assign responsibilities for all areas of follow up needed for resolution
vii) If a satisfactory resolution is not found, proceed to Step 4…
4) Step 4: Take It To The Church (Matthew 18:17a) 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
a) The Ministry Area, the person/s bringing the concern and Pastor set up and meet with the Administrative Board:
i) Prior to this meeting, a written statement describing the concern is provided to the Administrative Board
ii) One or two others who share the concern may participate in this meeting
iii) All invited to this meeting will be made aware of who will be attending the meeting and that it will be a closed meeting
iv) If the person(s) with the concern are not comfortable or able to meet with the Administrative Board, the written description of the concern and statement from those who attended the Step 3 meeting will be used to present the concern to the Administrative Board
b) At the actual meeting:
i) Begin the meeting with prayer
ii) Goal of the meeting: discussion in effort to resolve the conflict so that all parties are satisfied
iii) Work to best utilize the many resources of the church to satisfy the conflict
iv) Determine, in collaboration with those presenting the concern, if the matter is now resolved and/or if the individuals involved are satisfied and are able to move forward
v) Agree upon any parts of the discussion that need to remain confidential
vi) Agree upon what may need to be shared with the entire congregation
c) After the meeting, the Administrative Board and Pastor will:
i) Agree upon what will be communicated to the person(s) presenting the concern if they did not actually meet with the Ad board
ii) Assign responsibilities for all areas of follow up needed for resolution
iii) Consider bringing in a mediator or conflict resolution specialist
iv) If the matter is not resolved, steps may need to be taken in accordance with The Book of Discipline of the United Methodist Church
v) If a satisfactory resolution is not found, proceed to Step 5…
5) Step 5: Shake The Dust (Matthew 18:17b) 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
a) All individuals involved in the matter will try their best to:
i) Understand that some matters may not be resolved, despite our best efforts
ii) Let go of related anger, resentment and hurt feelings
iii) Re-focus on Mt Bethel’s current mission: of OUTREACH Outwardly Utilizing Talents Reverently Extending A Christian Hand
Throughout the practice of Rule of Christ, we are mindful of the guidance of Matthew 18:20
God promises to be with us as we gracefully do our best to work through our conflict.
Minnesota United Methodist Conference encourages adoption of a policy to gracefully resolve conflicts & concerns. Training provided by Conference through our apportionments to MN UMC. June 2014 Rule of Christ Training, trainer Rev. John Mueller Nowell to our Staff/Pastor Parish Relations team, Administrative Board and members & friends of Mt Bethel Church , 19 attendees. Administrative Board Rule of Christ policy adoption 8/2014.
(niv) Matthew 18: 8 If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell. 15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.18 “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
If I have a concern or am in conflict about something at Mt Bethel UMC, my practice will be to follow these steps:
1) Step 1: Self-Reflection To Discern God’s Will (Matthew 18: 8-9) 8 If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.
a) I will pray/meditate, journal on:
i) What is my concern/conflict? Describe it- keeping description as simple as possible
ii) What is my position on this matter?
iii) What value/personal principle underlies my position?
iv) What is my perception of the other person’s position on this matter?
v) Is there history behind my concern> Is this history impacting my reaction?
vi) Can I let it go?
b) If I am able to let it go, the matter is resolved, IF NOT, I will…
i) Put myself in the other person’s shoes- what might they say I contributed to this matter?
ii) What does God want? What is God’s point of view?
iii) Proceed to Step 2…
2) Step 2: Talk With The Person 1 to 1 “Care-front” vs “confront” (Matthew 18:15) 15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.
a) Self-Preparation for this discussion:
i) Plan ahead and practice what I want to say
ii) Plan to meet in a neutral location
iii) Remember that we are ALL part of the body of Christ
b) The actual discussion:
i) Begin the meeting with prayer
ii) Goal of the meeting: discuss in effort to work together to find a solution that satisfies both of us
iii) Work hard to understand the other person’s point of view
iv) Share using “I” statements example: I feel … when… happens.
v) Listen carefully and ask questions to help clarify my understanding
vi) Determine together, if the matter is now resolved and whether each party is satisfied and able to move forward
vii) If a satisfactory resolution is not found, proceed to Step 3…
3) Step 3: Get Some Objective Help (Matthew 18:16) 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’
a) Set up and meet with the appropriate Ministry Area and the Pastor:
i) Prior to this meeting, I will provide a written statement describing the concern.
ii) I may bring one or two others, who share the concern, to participate in this meeting
iii) All invited to this meeting will be made aware of who will be attending the meeting and that it will be a closed meeting.
b) At the Actual Meeting:
i) Begin the meeting with prayer
ii) Goal of this meeting: discussion in effort to resolve the conflict so that all parties are satisfied
iii) Determine, in collaboration with those presenting the concern, if the matter is now resolved and/or if the individual involved are satisfied and are able to move forward
iv) Agree upon any parts of the discussion that need to remain confidential
v) Agree upon what may need to be shared with the entire congregation
vi) Assign responsibilities for all areas of follow up needed for resolution
vii) If a satisfactory resolution is not found, proceed to Step 4…
4) Step 4: Take It To The Church (Matthew 18:17a) 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
a) The Ministry Area, the person/s bringing the concern and Pastor set up and meet with the Administrative Board:
i) Prior to this meeting, a written statement describing the concern is provided to the Administrative Board
ii) One or two others who share the concern may participate in this meeting
iii) All invited to this meeting will be made aware of who will be attending the meeting and that it will be a closed meeting
iv) If the person(s) with the concern are not comfortable or able to meet with the Administrative Board, the written description of the concern and statement from those who attended the Step 3 meeting will be used to present the concern to the Administrative Board
b) At the actual meeting:
i) Begin the meeting with prayer
ii) Goal of the meeting: discussion in effort to resolve the conflict so that all parties are satisfied
iii) Work to best utilize the many resources of the church to satisfy the conflict
iv) Determine, in collaboration with those presenting the concern, if the matter is now resolved and/or if the individuals involved are satisfied and are able to move forward
v) Agree upon any parts of the discussion that need to remain confidential
vi) Agree upon what may need to be shared with the entire congregation
c) After the meeting, the Administrative Board and Pastor will:
i) Agree upon what will be communicated to the person(s) presenting the concern if they did not actually meet with the Ad board
ii) Assign responsibilities for all areas of follow up needed for resolution
iii) Consider bringing in a mediator or conflict resolution specialist
iv) If the matter is not resolved, steps may need to be taken in accordance with The Book of Discipline of the United Methodist Church
v) If a satisfactory resolution is not found, proceed to Step 5…
5) Step 5: Shake The Dust (Matthew 18:17b) 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
a) All individuals involved in the matter will try their best to:
i) Understand that some matters may not be resolved, despite our best efforts
ii) Let go of related anger, resentment and hurt feelings
iii) Re-focus on Mt Bethel’s current mission: of OUTREACH Outwardly Utilizing Talents Reverently Extending A Christian Hand
Throughout the practice of Rule of Christ, we are mindful of the guidance of Matthew 18:20
God promises to be with us as we gracefully do our best to work through our conflict.
